Damn It, Miss Potter!
by thearcherballet
Summary: "'Spit it out, Jamie, what are you so excited about' 'You're going to help me with a plot to overthrow Sreesha as Prank Queen,' Jamie said, grinning more with every word." Genderswapped Jily for Jily AU Week on Tumblr. Two-Part Fic. Lots of Swearing. James/Jamie as a Scot. Fun for the entire family. Icon art by the wonderful Clara, aka hatepotion on dA and Tumblr.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I want to thank Shefali for pushing me to write this! This was for Jily AU Week Day 4: Genderswap. Here we have Genderswap!Jily and a mention of Genderbent&Racebent!Sirius. Also, this will have a Second Part! Hold on tight! -Adriana**

* * *

"Damn it Potter! Stop moving!"

"I swear to fuckin' Merlin, wee bastards will bloody burn!"

"You're being a bit melodramatic, now would you just hold still!"

"It bloody well itches like fuck, I'll have ye know, Evans, so I can't stop fuckin' moving!"

Liam Evans gave an exasperated sigh and threw his hands in the air as Jamie Potter kept muttering under her breath about killing Second years in their fucking sleep and groaning as she attempted to scratch her own back with her hand and with the nearest wall.

Resigned, he flourished his wand in her general direction. "Petrificus Totalus!" he shouted and Jamie stopped slithering, but as Liam approached her he could hear her muffled screaming and see her accusing stare.

"If you'd stopped moving, I could've done this a few minutes ago!" Liam sternly told her, his hand stopping the incantation he was going to give to alleviate her pain. "Y'knew this was bound to happen, plotting against your mad best mate," he shook his head at the memory. "Now, figuratively, hold still," he said as he started muttering incantations to relieve Jamie's itching.

Really, as if Jamie wouldn't have expected any less after declaring war on Sreesha Black. A pranking war at that! And how the bloody hell did he even end up helping her with this?

It was probably the mischievous, eager glint in her eyes as she came over to where he had been sitting in the Common Room.

Plus, the fact that it was becoming harder and harder to say no to Jamie Potter these days were no help either.

Curse those wretched hazel eyes and that amazing smile! Wasn't it supposed to be impossible to maintain great teeth if you were Quidditch Captain to the most rogue team of Hogwarts?

And she'd noticed that was staring at her often, because the last time he properly looked at her as she laughed at Sreesha, she'd looked his way curiously and then alarmed asked him if there was something in her teeth and hid them away with her hands.

But no, tonight had been the last straw. He'd been too easily persuaded by her charming self.

It was as he was about to give up on the damned Transfiguration essay on the uses for Human Transfiguration for Defense when she plopped beside him on the sofa, nibbling excitedly on a Sugar Quill. He could practically feel her buzzing with excitement.

"Spit it out, Jamie, what are you so excited about?"

"You're going to help me with a plot to overthrow Sreesha as Prank Queen," Jamie said, grinning more with every word.

Liam turned to look at her, his eyebrows flying to his hairline. "I'm sorry, what makes you think that?"

Jamie rolled her eyes and threw her head back dramatically. "Because you're bored writing that assignment."

"How would you know?"

"Because I finished mine a week ago, and if I told you I could give you my notes in exchange for your help, you won't say no, so what do you say?"

"You never take notes in class."

"True, well I'll give you the first rough draft of my essay, if you comply."

Liam examined the girl's face, her eyes looking innocently up at him with the tiniest pout.

It really wasn't fair.

With a sigh, he picked up his stuff and shoved them into his bag. Turning back towards Jamie, he clapped his hands. "So, when do we begin?"

Jamie grinned with satisfaction. "I promise, you won't regret this!"

With instructions to meet her at Midnight in the Common Room in comfortable clothes, she left to go to her room.

What a night it had been.

Apparently her grand plan was to charm some Itching Powder to fall on Sreesha as she would walk into the Charms classroom.

Liam's hand in this was the fact that they had to sneak into Slughorn's supply closet, and since Liam was the professor's favorite, of bloody course he would know how to open the damn closet. With their wands lit, they both entered the cramped room with high walls in search for the infamous powder.

"There it is," Jamie whispered to Liam, pointing at a high shelf with a cylindrical jar at the corner. "Accio Itching Powder!" The jar didn't budge. "Why isn't it moving, Evans?" she frantically whispered.

"The closet is charmed so students wouldn't be able to do exactly what you're doing."

"Where's the ladder then?"

"Slughorn must remove it in the evenings apparently."

"Can't you just transfigure something to make a ladder?"

"I'm not the Transfiguration genius in here!"

"Does it look like I care about making ladders when I could easily summon something?"

"Just let me think!"

Liam closed his eyes and, pinching the bridge of his nose, took a cleansing breath in. "Look, I'll just lift you, all right?"

Jamie gaped incredulously at him. "Excuse me?"

"Do you want the fucking Powder or not?"

"Fine!" Jamie started putting her wand and cloak on the floor and started to take off her shoes.

"What in the name of Merlin are you doing?" Liam said alarmed.

"Taking off my shoes, are you bloody blind, Evans, or do you need my glasses? I'm taking them off because of Rule #17."

At Liam's confused look, she put her hand on her hip as she explained, "Rule #17: If you're gonna climb something, don't use your shoes. They track dirt."

"Is this from some sort of Code of Conduct you and your mates have?"

"As ridiculous as it sounds, yes," she said, placing her shoes on top of the bundle of things on the floor.

"But I'm lifting you up."

"Exactly, and as wonderful as they look," she said as she pointed at his arms, "I don't trust that you could lift me up for a long amount of time, that high up. Don't worry this is just as a last resort!" she hurried to reassure him.

Folding the sleeves of his jumper, Liam squatted down behind Jamie. "You know you're gonna have to impulse yourself off the floor, right?"

"I've done this before, Evans, so be ready in One, Two and—" Jamie pushed her feet off the ground, with Liam catching her thighs in time. Jamie held onto the ledge of the shelf below the one with the desired target as Liam grunted while getting up, his arms holding Jamie up.

With this, Jamie grabbed the required shelf and hoisted herself up a bit more.

"Do you have it?" Liam asked, though it sounded a bit choked.

"Hang on a second, Merlin!" she snapped as her hands blindly felt around for the jar.

He was becoming hyper-aware that Jamie was wearing a skirt and her bum was wiggling right in front of him. He pressed his fingers tighter around her and felt his heart racing.

Why was she wearing a skirt? Merlin.

"What did you just say, Evans?"

"Sorry, what?"

"You said something about a skirt. Are you asking me why I'm wearing one?"

He wanted to cut off his own leg just to be able to kick himself unconscious.

"This isn't the best moment for you to act like a prat!"

"Take the bloody jar!"

"Stop checking my bum out!"

The events that transpired then happened very fast. It's not a surprise it happened, but he should've seen it coming. Apparently, Jamie had already grabbed the jar with the fucking Itching Powder, and as punishment for checking her out without her consent, she was about to throw a pinch of it down his back.

Who said these things actually happened? No one, because right then, the supply closet door closed behind them, leaving a trail few muffled giggles and, due to the surprise of this, Liam let go of Jamie.

And the Itching Powder in her hand had fallen on her body.

This is when the Dance of the Swearing Scot started right in the middle of Slughorn's supply closet.

Really, this is just what they needed. Soon enough Filch will come around and create a ruckus. He'll demand their badges. He'll ask for them to be expulsed. Or worse, Peeves would find them in there. With these people in mind, Liam worked quickly on Jamie's ailing.

When he saw that Jamie's pleading eyes no longer burned in anguish, he released her from her frozen state.

"Are you all right?" Liam said softly.

A few inhales and exhales later, she nodded and said she was fine.

Liam was surprised when he found himself enveloping his arms around her shoulders in a hug. Even more surprising was his sigh of relief. "I'm so sorry," he said into her hair.

"It's fine," she said, her sounds muffled by Liam's jumper as she buried herself in his chest.

He brushed back her hair, kissed the top of her head and let go of her. She still held on to his arms as she looked at Liam.

Her eyes really were astonishing.

"Can I ask you something?" she interrupted.

"Sure," he said, vaguely aware that his voice sounded hoarse.

"Were you really checking me out?" she said, a smirk forming on her lips, and both of them laughed, Liam trying to shake off his embarrassment.

"Come on, let's put this bloody thing to use," Jamie said, the excitement of earlier seeping back onto her features as she turned around for Liam to follow her out the supply closet. He picked up her stuff from the floor and walked out, shaking his head of what could've happened. They had a mission and they sure as hell would finish it.


	2. Chapter 2

Previously on Damn It, Miss Potter: "_Come on, let's put this bloody thing to use," Jamie said, the excitement of earlier seeping back onto her features as she turned around for Liam to follow her out the supply closet. He picked up her stuff from the floor and walked out, shaking his head of what could've happened. They had a mission and they sure as hell would finish it._

* * *

As they paced through the dark and empty hallways, his footsteps seemed to echo off the walls, and judging by the slight glare Jamie was sending him, he should've followed her instinct to take off her shoes.

"They're very comfortable, y'know."

"What?"

"Skirts, they're the most comfortable piece of clothing you could find. After dresses, that is. Something about not feeling constricted in pants makes them feel so liberating," Jamie said as she rounded a corner. Her skirt billowed as she twirled a bit on each corner.

"I see what you mean," Liam said, still walking around with her things on his arms.

"You should wear one," she said as she turned around to look at him with a smirk, walking backwards. "Real men wear kilts back home," Liam grinned at her.

"Are you now imagining me with a kilt?"

Jamie let out a burst of laughter and turned to walk forward once more. "Maybe, Mister Evans."

He ran to catch up with her and leaned into her ear, "Is that a kinky thing for you, men in kilts?"

She shoved him as she laughed it off, "Maybe, Mister Evans, you prat!"

"Why do you keep calling me Mister Evans, Miss Potter?"

"I don't know," she shrugged. "I prefer it like that."

"Huh," he paused as if mulling it over.

"What?" She said looking at him with the corners of her eyes.

"Is it another kinky thing?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Jamie shook her head.

Yes. Yes he would.

Stop it.

They walked silently all the remaining way to the classroom with hidden smiles, looking at each other when the other wasn't looking. They reached the door of the classroom and Jamie stopped to examine the doorway. She kept muttering to herself and taking steps back and forth in front of the door.

Liam decidedly dropped in the middle of the hallway, placing Jamie's stuff on the floor. "Are you—"

"Shh, don't talk, not yet," she interrupted him. He rolled his eyes as he began to examine the things she'd brought with her on their adventure, keeping the shoes away from him. Didn't she know she's an athlete and that she needed to keep her shoes clean? Merlin.

He held a cloak that could easily have fit three people if they were short enough, yet it felt extremely light. Shrugging, he put it aside. That was the only thing she carried around?

Where was the piece of parchment she and her mates would pass around? They always thought they were being conspicuous, but they kept muttering to each other excitedly while looking at it. It drove him mad, but he'd never said anything about it. Probably just a piece of parchment they'd write secrets on or something absurd like that.

"Got it!" Jamie exclaimed jumping up and down. "Oh, this will be brilliant!"

"I'm a bit lost here, Potter."

"It had to be the Charms classroom, because Flitwick is more lenient towards us anyway, but he locks it with very powerful charms, so it would be impossible to even try to enter it. But, and this is a big but, there's nothing put for the doorway," she said, expecting Liam to find an answer. "I can charm the doorway!"

"How would that help?"

"Hogwarts is home to hundreds of students. Its first priority is to keep them safe."

"You're confusing me and it's two in the morning," Liam tried to explain.

"No, don't you see, the doorway will help me! It could reject my charm, but if I trick it into thinking that what I'm doing is putting more security measures on it—"

"It won't reject it."

"Exactly!"

"That's bloody brilliant," he said incredulously.

"I know, happens more likely than never, I'll have you know," she winked before opening the jar in her hand carefully and as far away from her as possible, settling it on the floor in front of her.

Liam watched amazed as her hand moved with finesse, the smallest bit of powder lifting itself from its container and settle itself on top of the high doorway like a neat pile of dust. Continuing her spell work, she said, "You could've levitated me, y'know? In the supply closet."

"Yes, but you're wearing a skirt," he said, placing a hand on his neck.

Jamie furrowed her eyebrows together before opening her eyes in surprise. "Oh!"

"Yeah, 'oh!'"

"Well, thank you, very gentlemanly of you," she sputtered nervously.

"Any time, Miss Potter," he said with a bashful smile, his eyes turning to look at the floor.

Jamie lowered her wand, as a signal of having finished her work, with a proud smile on her face.

"Happy?"

"Oh, yes, definitely, Mister Evans," Jamie said as she took her shoes and slipped them on. She took the cloak and grinned at Liam. "As a reward for being a true Gryffindor this evening, I have something to show you, well, two things actually. You can't tell anyone about this," she said pointedly, a dead serious look on her face.

"Sure," he warily answered.

Liam watched as Jamie straightened the cloak and disappeared from his view with a swish of the cloak and a smile on her face.

He practically jumped from his place on the floor to his feet. "This is—"

"Brilliant, I know," he heard the smirk on her voice, imagined the small roll of her eyes from in front of him. "I think you're too easily impressed."

"Only over impressive things."

Liam jumped back when she appeared less than an arm's length apart from him. "I guess the real question here is: have I impressed you?" she murmured, looking confident, but the slight tremor in her voice made obvious that she felt nervous.

Hell, he knew how she felt: he was nervous too.

He lifted his hand, which had been limp beside him, but now moved with a startling assurance to settle on Jamie's cheek. Liam felt her sharp intake, her eyes closing as he caressed her cheek, his thumb tracing an incoherent line towards her chin. "You're always impressive," he whispered.

As he leaned in to meet her lips, her eyes snapped open and one of her hands flew to his mouth. He furrowed his brow in confusion; his eyes looked like he'd been deceived. That is, until he saw the panic and alert in Jamie's eyes.

At first he thought it was his fault, but as he saw her look around with the same calculating look he'd seen when she was trying to figure out how to charm the door, he knew there was something wrong.

"No time!" she rushed and taking his hand she dragged him to another hallway and slowed down in front of a row of paintings. "Shit, I can't remember." Her hand flew to her hair. "Someone's coming, Liam."

Liam nodded, breathing rapidly now as he thought about the nearest shortcut. "This way."

He ran, dragging her now. He stopped in front of two columns and pushed through the wall, revealing a concealed dark pathway. Liam rested against the wall, catching his breath.

"I'd learned the entire watch schedule pattern for today, this doesn't make any sense," she muttered. "Show me what time you have on your watch," he complied, "Damn, we spent too much time in Slughorn's office, I'd counted on less time."

"It's fine, how much time until the patrols finish?"

"About half an hour."

Liam grunted in response. "You go to great lengths for these things," he said after being able to properly catch his breath, "Why is that?"

"I don't know, it's just fun, I guess," she shrugged, avoiding his eyes and muttering something about 'Renata' and 'maps' and 'that bitch'.

Liam strode over to where she stood and grabbed her shoulders. "Hey, calm down, we're fine here. It's not really your fault. You did say I'm an amateur."

"That's just great for my reputation, an amateur saving my sorry arse," she said sarcastically.

"No one would believe you," Liam grinned at her and Jamie nodded as if to say 'That's true'.

"I think you just wanted to take advantage of me in a dark, secluded corner of the castle," she said cheekily, finally looking up at him, a glint of playfulness on her eyes.

"What makes you think that?" Liam said, smiling bashfully.

"Because of the second thing I wanted to show you," Jamie whispered.

He grabbed her hands, surprised at the softness of them, his thumbs tracing circles inside them. "What's that?" he managed to practically croak.

Then, her lips were on his, and he had to control the urge to jump at the sudden assault on his senses, yet returning the favor by pressing his lips back against hers. And as Liam's heart beat out an erratic rhythm within his soul, he took Jamie's face with his hands, eagerly responding to the kiss and breathing the moment in. Her hands clutched tighter at his shirt with each moment their lips parted.

If this was what it felt to be kissed by this mad, clever girl, he wanted to be kissed every second of the day. He felt years' worth of tension and frustration being held and let go in that kiss.

He felt her lips leave his for a moment and he looked at her. Her eyes still had that playful glint. "I wanted to show you that you fancy me." Liam rolled his eyes at her laughter and grabbed her by the waist.

"Damn it, Miss Potter, I fancy you," he said and kissed her slowly, taking his time, because they probably had all the time in the world, and slowly backed her against the stone wall as she groped to took his neck to press him flush against her body.

Ignoring the fact that it was well very late at night and they had class the other day and watch Sreesha's Itching Dance, they explored this foreign territory and got to know each other a little bit further. They had plenty of time.


End file.
